Jan 30th: Leanne Wood - A Breath Of Fresh Welsh Air

This is Leanne Wood. She's a Welsh republican, a socialist, and an elected Plaid Cymru member of the Welsh Assembly. Leanne is a breath of fresh air in Welsh politics and her election - like that of Plaid's participation in the current Welsh government - is indicative that the break up of Britain is proceeding slowly but surely.

There's a good interview with Leanne here at Socialist Unity (a website I like to read and occasionally post on). Socialist Unity - the concept of which experience suggests is an impossible dream - is the only website where you can get up-to-the-minute, non-partisan information and debate on the parlous state of the English left.

Jan 27th: "Love & Resistance: An Evening With Kevin Williamson"

Saturday's edition of the Herald featured their usual Top 5 "must see" arts events of the week. This week they are:

1. Great Expectation (Byre Theatre, St Andrews)
2. Act One (Tron Theatre, Glasgow)
3. Ceol's Craic (CC, Glasgow)
4. Kevin Williamson (National Library of Scotland, Edinburgh)
5. Joan Osborne (Glasgow Royal Concert Hall)

Yes, I did a double-take there too. But it's true, I will be doing a one man show at the National Library of Scotland this Friday. Unlike the other four events mentioned this one is totally FREE (the magic word).

From The Herald, 26/1/08:

KEVIN WILLIAMSON
NATIONAL LIBRARY OF SCOTLAND, EDINBURGH, FRIDAY, 7PM

"The latest of the Bridge Readings at the library is by poet Kevin Williamson, the most recent incarnation of the same Kevin Williamson who has been making his presence felt in the capital for some years now. One Kevin Williamson was the founder of Rebel Inc, the imprint that launched Children of Albion Rovers - Laura Hird, James Meek, Paul Reekie, Irvine Welsh, Gordon Legge and Alan Warner - upon an unsuspecting Scottish literary scene, and then went on to help expand the list of stuffy old Canongate Press into daring new areas until he and Canongate's Jamie Byng reached a personal impasse.

Then there was Kevin Williamson the cannabis legalisation campaigner and eager seeker of a loophole in the law that would allow him to open a groovy laidback Amsterdam-style hash cafe in fur-coat-and-nae-knickers Edinburgh. A career in hallucinatory catering, however, eluded him.

Now the cultural commentator and media terrorist is signed to Scotland's newest hip publishing house, Two Ravens Press of Ullapool: a sort of Rebel Inc without the loud music and football terracing aesthetic. In A Room Darkened is his first collection of poetry, from which he will be reading as well as musing on his vocal radicalism in the company of Emer Martin. The event is free, though the National Library's staff ask that you call and book ahead on 0131 623 3700."

NB I'm keeping the exact nature of this event under wraps until later in the week. I will say this: it definitely won't just be me reading poetry from a book, plus Q&As. I've got something a bit more imaginative planned than that... ;-)

Jan 26th: Burn Supper at the Saughtonhall Community Association

My sister Gail gives a combative "Reply Fae The Lassies" in verse at the Saughtonhall Community Association's Annual Burns Supper - in response to John Stevenson's tongue-in-cheek Toast. Before that I'd been given the honour of doing a speech to toast "The Immortal Memory" of the great man himself. Between Gail and myself we managed to lower the tone of proceedings quite nicely.


It was an excellent traditional Burns Supper with top notch haggis, tatties and neeps. The prunes in the cock-a-leekie soup were an interesting variation too. And they worked.


The outgoing Chair of the SCA, Brian Carson, gives a stirring rendition of the "Address Tae The Haggis". Its sonsie face was duly stabbed and devoured. Aye, ye cannae beat a traditional Burns Supper.

Jan 25th: A Happy Burns Night To One And All

Today marks one of the biggest celebrations in the Scottish calender. Haggis, neeps, whisky, poetry and song will be the order of the day all over Scotland as we celebrate our National Bard. And quite rightly so. In case anyone thinks Burns only wrote romantic poems here's the lyrics to one of his lesser known songs. For non speakers of Scots you'll just have to guess the meanings. Which is not hard. The meaning that is. This one makes some people smile and others wince... but it's the real deal. Enjoy.

NINE INCH WILL PLEASE A LADY

Come rede me dame, come tell me, dame,
My dame come tell me truly,
What length o' graith, when weel ca'd hame,
Will sair a woman duly?
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready
I learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth, we're nae sae gentle;
We'll take tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And tha's a sonsy pintle;
O leeze me on my Charlie lad,
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Tway roarin handfu's and a daud,
He nidge't it in fu' rarely.

But weary fa' the laithron doup
And may it ne'er ken thrivin!
It's no the length that maks me loup,
But it's the double drivin.
Come nidge me, Tam, come nidge me Tam,
Come nidge me o'er the nyvel!
Come lowse and lug your battering ram,
And thrash him at my gyvel!

Jan 24th: Launch Of The SIC's National Petition For An Independence Referendum

The Scottish Independence Convention's long-awaited National Petition for an Independence Referendum was launched today at the Scottish Parliament. This is an important grassroots-orientated initiative to take the campaign for an Independence Referendum out to the people rather than leave it solely in the hands of parliamentarians and the media.

Snapped above, at the petition launch photo-call, are (left-to-right): David McCann (SIC), Colin Fox (SSP), Elaine C Smith (SIC), Alex Salmond (First Minister), Margo MacDonald (Independent MSP), Murray Ritchie (SIC), and Bashir Ahmad (SNP MSP). (But where were the Scottish Greens, eh?)


Legendary Scottish nationalist, Margo MacDonald, signs the Referendum Petition watched encouragingly by Alex Salmond, Mike Russell MSP, Bill Wilson MSP, Elaine C Smith, and other SNP MSPs. To have both Alex Salmond and Margo at the launch of the SIC's referendum petition is highly significant, even if this was lost by-and-large on the Scottish media. The fine chaps of the Scottish political corps have largely chosen to ignore the petition's launch. They couldn't make it any clearer that they have little interest in politics when it threatens to move outside the safe confines of parliament or beyond the participation of professional politicians. But that aside, the real campaigning work of the SIC has now begun for real.


Closer examination of Margo's signature - just under the First Minister's - shows quite clearly she has put the initials CCS after her name rather than MSP. Hmm. I ken she's a bonnie fighter, and she does follow the Hibs, but I never had her down for a football casual. Ya live and learn.

But seriously, it's game on. It's now up to activists of all parties and none who support independence to take this petition out to the people and prepare the country for what hopefully will be a resounding Yes vote. A copy of the petition can be downloaded from here.

Jan 21st: Scottish history is to become central to our education curriculum. At last!

Lead story in today's Scotsman:

SCOTTISH history is to be restored to its position at the heart of the school curriculum to combat young people's "ignorance" of their nation's past, the education secretary promises today.

Fiona Hyslop maintains that making history relevant to the lives of children will "create a better understanding of how Scotland came to be, where it is now and the part the nation could play in shaping the future". (Read the rest of the article here)

I've been wanting to hear this announcement for many many years. An understanding of our history is crucial if Scots are to have a proper understanding of who we are and where we've come from. So a big Well Done to Fiona and to the Scottish government for seeking to counter the damage that the Brits have done to our education system over the last 300 years. As we approach Burns Night this is worth celebrating.

Jan 20th: A Short Sunday Sermon on "Democracy"

Here in Scotland we currently have a 5 party system. But the same sort of electoral system - with some minor tweaks - is accepted lock, stock and barrel by all 5 political parties who have elected representatives.

When a leftist anti-establishment party like the SSP had 6 MSPs elected between 2003-2007 you never heard a single cheap out of any of them about the nature of the electoral system.

As long as they have their snouts in the Parliamentary trough - and are getting what they can out of the electoral system for themselves and their own party - nobody questions the nature of the electoral system that we call "democracy".

Since the media are only interested in ideas that are propagated by political parties with elected politicians - and since none of them question the system that they benefit from - then as far as the general public goes the political system called "democracy" is accepted by everyone and the subject is closed.

Yet what we call "democracy" is an archaic system now centuries old. When the 19th century Chartists fought for democracy they had something a bit more radical in mind than even universal suffrage. Among the 6 Points of the Charter they wanted annual elections to Parliament and for MPs to be recallable by the electorate if they were failing in their job.

Can you imagine any political party, politician, or media commentator supporting anything as radical as what the 19th Century Chartists had in mind! Even lefties like George Galloway and Tommy Sheridan would run a mile rather than have to be accountable on a regular basis. Once elected, with their feet under the table, all politicians want the electorate to crawl back under the democratic stone they came from as soon as they've put their tokenistic cross in a box once every 4-5 years.

What is unquestioningly called "democracy" is really a very low level form of democracy. Democracy Lite. Democracy For Beginners. It's time for an upgrade to Democracy 2.0

Jan 18th: Bobby Fischer: The Death Of A Genius

Bobby Fischer, a childhood hero of mine, passed away in Iceland today. Fischer (pictured above, playing Fidel Castro) was more than the greatest chess player player who ever lived - which he undoubtedly was - he was a unique kind of genius, an inspirational loner, an individual who succeeded in a world of systems and machines.

Recently I found a whole heap of Bobby Fischer documentaries and movies and I've been watching them over the last few weeks. Fischer was more or less self-taught, had no chess academy to school him, he played against himself as a kid, studying everything he could on a game that is more psychological warfare than a pastime or a hobby.

On a number of occasions I've played through Fischer's famous world championship against Boris Spassky in 1972. The boldness of his play, the attacking audacity, the innate creativity and the sheer elegance have never been matched before or since, not even by Kasparov himself. Fischer took chess into the sublime realms of an art.

It is impossible to fathom out how a single human being's mind could work the way it did. It is probably no surprise that the same mind eventually cracked as internal demons tore him apart. Instead of enjoying his gift Fischer went into self-destruct mode. His antisemitism grew uglier as the years went by. His hatred of America knew no bounds. He roamed the world in an isolated rage, exiled from his home, even going to prison for his antisemitic outbursts.

Like many Fischer fans, I forlornly hoped that one day Fischer would re-appear at the top of his game and take on Garry Kasparov in what would have been the greatest chess match of all time. But it never happened. Fischer became a bitter recluse till the end of his days.

The 1972 World Championship is what Fischer will be remembered for. Against Spassky he took on a powerful chess machine. It was a machine trained up to propagandise the superiority of the evil Soviet Empire. And he beat them all single-handedly. This match may not have advanced human knowledge or world peace, but intellectually, for what it took for one man to achieve, it still ranks as one of the greatest individual human endeavours of all time.

Jan 17th: Another One Bites The Dust

The great Hibs giveaway continues unabated. Two days before the derby match against Hearts and just a fortnight away from the most important match of the season - the Scottish Cup tie against the Hun - Hibs sell off David Murphy, the best player in the team. Its not as if Hibs need the money. Petrie and Farmer yet again show no ambition, no vision, and a complete contempt for the fans.

Jan 16th: The Ben Nevis Challenge

Two things I don't have any desire to try are gay sex and mountaineering. Very narrow-minded of me I know. I've got gay friends who have no desire to try straight sex so it's hardly social rocket science. You do what makes ya happy and leave the judgmental stuff to the bigots.

But mountaineering? Thanks, but no thanks. Unlike with gay sex I'd be up for getting on top of a few big ones. The problem is that I suffer from acute vertigo and get dizzy looking down from the top of a flight of stairs. A few years ago I went up the glass lift on the fucking OUTSIDE of the Eiffel Tower and that was a pants-changing experience. Never again.

It has been suggested by someone near and dear that we should ascend Ben Nevis this year. My initial response was to reach for my season ticket and explain that all my weekends were taken up until the summer, and the close season would be busy, and then come August... "But its not really a climb. You can walk up Ben Nevis. Old people can do it. You can even cycle up it." That was the clincher. So I've agreed to do it when the weather gets better.

But this morning I thought I'd check out ole Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in Scotland. Or Britain for that matter. 4004 feet from sea level to summit. This photo of the peak of Ben Nevis looks pretty high up to me. Jesus. The horror. The horror. What the fuck have I let myself in for.

Jan 15th: FBI Wants Access To British ID Databases

In case anyone had forgotten that the British-American drive towards an Orwellian nightmare is completely out of control this story in today's Guardian should serve as a timely reminder. These FBI cretins want us to give up our identity information to some of the biggest scumbags on the planet? The American lunatics really have taken over the global asylum.

In times like these it's important that every self-respecting Scot continually reminds themselves (and their friends and family) that there is a straightforward and practical exit strategy from the USA's War On Democracy - which can safeguard our precious privacy, our human rights and our civil liberties - and that's by voting positively in a national referendum to break up the British state and establish a democratic alternative here in Scotland.

Jan 12th: Deano! Mixu! We Salute Ya!

After months of utter shite under John Collins and Tommy Craig, Mixu returns as manager and it was like a breath of fresh Finnish air sweeping in over Easter Road. (In every sense cos it was totally Baltic). Hibs played the sort of expansive attacking football we used to see under Tony Mowbray and won 3-0 thanks to a Deano hat-trick. No wonder everyone looks happy at half-time. The photie is a family affair as Scott, Irv and Petey are joined by Marie and ma dad. A good day out was had by all.


Feel free to fill in your own caption for this one.

Jan 11th: In The Night Garden

At risk of upsetting all my under-5 readers - such as wee Perry in the background here - I have to say this Iggle Piggle teddy bear is not the prettiest thing I've ever set eyes on. Apparently, Iggle Piggle and its fellow inmates of In The Night Garden are very popular among rugrats these days. Hmmm. After much careful consideration Laura Hird and myself came to the conclusion it was the bastard spawn of David Merrick and Cher's wee laddie in the film Mask. Scary.


After alienating the under-5s it was time to get the coat on. But not before posing for a quickie with Laura. Hopefully some of our literary plotting and planning over a bowl of Rosie's tasty soup will come to fruition later this year. (And, as always, I'd thoroughly recommend checking out the latest goings-on at the best literary website/writers resource in Scotland over at LauraHird.com.)

Jan 11th: Rosie and Perry

Other people's kids are great. Not only do they entertain you for hours on end, they're free. Its always a pleasure to see Rosie and the kids. Except its gonna take a bit more effort in the future than tramping up six flights of stairs in Leith. Good luck in your new home in North Berwick.


Perry tries to escape from the blogging paperazzi. Although he's only 18 months he knew fine he was being set up for a "Kevin & Perry" photo and wanted no part of such an obvious comedic ruse. Aye, some of us have nae shame.

Jan 10th: And the new Hibs manager is....

... Mixu Paatelainen! What a fuckin signing!

Jan 9th: Dogmatika and 3:AM Magazine

Since 3:AM Magazine and Dogmatika have been kind enough to make space for a review In A Room Darkened I'm gonna give them both a plug here.

I've enjoyed dipping into 3:AM Magazine for a few years now. Its pretty much essential reading if you want to keep on top of quality new fiction and poetry. Review aside, the current front page of 3:AM Magazine has some great stuff on it. Check out Charlotte Stretch's interview with top Idler, Dan Kieran; the latest Stuckist up yours to the Turner Prize; Lee Rourke on Boredom; as well a timely 30th anniversary appreciation of one of the all-time great albums (go see).

3:AM's Review of In A Room Darkened:
A Sucker Punch In A Crowded Bar


Dogmatika is a new litzine to me. And a damned good one too. Right now they've got a Henry Miller thing going on which I'm enjoying reading my way through. Its enthused me enough to dig out my old dog-eared copy of Sextet. There's also a nice appreciation of Alex Trocchi's Young Adam, a book I once (metaphorically) walked across broken glass to bring back into print. I love the attitude at Dogmatika, which, like that at 3:AM, is sharp, street-wise and savvy, and crucially their writers are passionate and knowledgeable about good literature. I really appreciate too the amount of thought and space Dogmatika have given their review of IARD.

Dogmatika's review of In A Room Darkened:
Worth A Million In Prizes

Jan 8th: Welcome Home, Kenny

After spending twenty long years in a Death Row prison cell in Ohio Kenny Richey will soon be back home in Edinburgh. Everyone who has ever campaigned for his release will be overjoyed to see him touch down on Scottish soil after an ordeal that has taken him to within an hour of execution.

Make no mistake about this, Kenny Richey is an innocent man who has had his life ruined by Justice American-Style. The American judicial system has effectively blackmailed Richey into signing a release form which will absolve them from all culpability and responsibility for one of the gravest miscarriages of justice in recent times. These faceless bureaucrats would prefer to have executed an innocent man rather than face up to the fact that their judicial system is medieval, barbaric, and rotten to the core.

But these arguments are for another day. For now there's just an overwhelming sense of relief that Kenny's prison ordeal is finally over. In a few hours time, when Kenny steps down off that plane, cold wintry Scotland will never look better. Welcome home.

Jan 7th: All Aboard The Lenny Bruce Express

Using public transport it takes around 40 minutes to get from my house in Wester Hailes to the National Library of Scotland. Despite its many deficiencies (when it comes to social provision) Wester Hailes is well served by the Number 30 and Number 33 buses (pictured above). In days gone it was a dull predictable journey, either through dank and depressing Gorgie, or along the concrete curves of the Western Approach Road. I'd be sat there, eyes down, surrounded by soor-faced commuters flicking disinterestedly through the pages of Metro.

But not anymore. I'm looking forward to the morning bus rides now, and its all thanks to those wonderful people at the Holy Goof website. In the best spirit of sharing there are some fantastic MP3 albums of the purest comedy gold which can be downloaded for free at Holy Goof.

So if you're commuting on the 33 or 30 bus this week, sat beside a dafty in a green parka laughing his face off, it'll be me and Lenny Bruce (today), me and Bill Hicks (tomorrow), me and Doug Stanhope (Wed), me and Tom Lehrer (Thurs) and me and Richard Pryor (Fri). Who said mornings have to be shite.

Jan 5th: I'll Be Back

Having taken a seasonal allergy to the internet - and a short festive fling with everything capable of kicking fuck out of my liver/bones/central nervous system - normal service will return to The Scottish Patient on Monday 7th January. I would like to wish all my fantastic readers a better 2008 than the one facing the Jambo fanny in the photograph. Relegation ya bams!